Sicklyknitter

Voilà, regardez-moi

Saturday the 27th of April, 2024

You might occasionally find me looking quite despondent, and it’s not just due to the typical dreary weather or the dismal state of the world. It’s the overwhelming effort each breath demands that tends to dampen my spirits, despite employing every strategy imaginable to manage daily life. Sleep rarely offers respite, feeling as taxing as …

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Above the Clouds

Friday the 29th of March, 2024

In a world that occasionally spins a tad too quickly, there exists a unique kind of peace. I find it high above the ground, on a ski lift, with my husband by my side. Here we are far removed from the madding life below. The stillness is punctuated only by the soft whir of the …

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Echoes of loneliness

Tuesday the 28th of November, 2023

Earlier this autumn, I was fortunate enough to experience Luke Jerram’s Gaia. Beneath the glow of the globe, every breath was a testament to both actuality and resistance. In that moment, loneliness was not just a feeling, but a palpable presence, a silent companion as we hurtle through the cosmos. Gaia’s presence served as a …

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Through the windy, snowy dark

Wednesday the 20th of September, 2023

It’s very grey outside today – again. The sun has barely been out since July, and isn’t supposed to appear again until the weekend again. It’s been miserable, but it got me thinking. Usually, when the weather is gloomy, as it is today, I feel quite defeated. The best I can manage is to brew …

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Thin as rice paper

Thursday the 20th of July, 2023

Once a month or so, I meet up with some friends to tell stories. It’s a lot like a book club, but instead of reading a book we draw a prompt from our storytelling cards from The Moth. Last time we met, the prompt was Burnt: when the candle burns at both ends. Life and …

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Catch me when I fall

Monday the 3rd of April, 2023

As a young adult, I had a small circle of friends with cystic fibrosis. But as we grew older they started to get really sick and die. Illness is a funny thing; I guess it either brings you together with other people in the same predicament, or it forces you to search with urgency for …

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The destroyer

Thursday the 1st of December, 2022

It’s not easy to accept this disease for what it is, a destroyer; causing so much pain, both physical and emotional. Even so, as I share this from my journal, just remember that I’m a proper bitch! This is just a glimpse into what’s been going on. Besides, now, a fortnight later, I have regained …

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A page too white and ink too thin

Wednesday the 16th of November, 2022

I shift through phases where I feel the need to describe my world, because living in an undescribed world is too lonely. I’ve spent so much time grappling with this disease, and naturally, it has shaped me. Yet, I can’t quite suss out how to integrate the complications of it into the world around me. …

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