Sicklyknitter » reflections Archives

April is the cruellest month

Friday the 9th of April, 2021

I’m halfway through week three of intravenous antibiotics, and it’s taking its toll. I’m feeling quite worn down, and life is heavy. Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between the side effects of the drugs and the infection, and I can’t shake the fear that I’ll finish this course of IVs and still feel sick. This …

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The life in front of me

Monday the 4th of January, 2021

A while back, they spoke on radio about how the creation of one’s identity depends on our engagement within a social context. We only become ourselves in relation to others. The negotiations to establish the boundaries of the self occur only in collision with the surrounding world. Not dissimilar to Martin Buber’s theory about the …

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Knit me a river

Sunday the 23rd of August, 2020

One of my earliest memories as a child is being in the cellar at my Mormor’s while she wound yarns or sat at the loom weaving. I can still smell the unique combination of dust, wool, and the log burner. And I remember the clickety-clack of the treadles and the rhythmic beating of the batten. …

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Between me and the rest of it

Friday the 27th of March, 2020

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, but it’s been difficult for several reasons. One reason is my very conflicted feelings about this whole COVID-19 situation. I feel them all: annoyance, anxiety, fear, gratitude, calmness – often all at once. Just over two weeks ago, the WHO declared this outbreak a pandemic. …

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Connected by thin threads

Sunday the 5th of January, 2020

We spoke about life, my Mormor and I. I opened the window to my soul for her to see. She saw the little girl sitting alone in a corner, and the woman dancing to Lady Gaga in the moonlight. She saw my passions, fears, and joy. When I was frustrated about the state of the …

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Game of pretend

Saturday the 23rd of November, 2019

I’m feeling rather dishevelled and slightly gnarled, and I’m tired of trying to feel okay. It feels like there is no room to be me, like life is a game of pretend. I pretend that meeting up for coffee or lunch at that cosy cafe is a piece of cake when, in reality, it is …

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Hold it without shame

Tuesday the 7th of May, 2019

I’ve been forced to do some real soul-searching lately. I’m trying so hard to create meaning (which, en passant, I have to find a whole new definition for), keep up with others, and prove that I don’t let CF stop me, that I end up missing out because I completely exhaust myself and all my …

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Tag: reflections