I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, but it’s been difficult for several reasons. One being my own very conflicted feelings around this whole covid-19 situation. I feel them all: annoyance, anxiety, fear, gratitude, calmness, etc. – and often all at once.
It was just over two weeks ago that the WHO declared this outbreak a pandemic. However, I’m not overly worried about my own health at the minute. I’m able control my interactions with people pretty well, and I haven’t had to make any drastic changes to my life to stay safe. In some ways my life is easier now as my husband is working from home. With him being able to help out I can actually find some energy to do things around the house other than keeping our dog and myself alive.
Obviously I don’t meet up with friends or family right now. But I am looking forward to warmer days when we can sit on the porch, share some gossip and have a cup coffee (while keeping the distance). I don’t go to choir or other meetings (that aren’t online), and we do our food shopping online. Yet, all in all, they are pretty minor changes, especially if they’re short term changes that will only last for a few months or so.
There are, however, a few things I do worry about:
I worry about my sister-in-law’s safety as she is treating children in the worst hit area of Sweden.
I worry about one of my closest friends who is intubating patients and saving lives in the intensive therapy unit.
I worry about the safety of the staff at my local clinic in the infectious disease department. They, who are taking care of the patients that don’t need intensive therapy.
They’re all at increased risk because of the repeated and high dose exposures of the virus they’re subjected to.
I worry about what will happen with my normal care when my clinic is getting increasingly swamped with covid-19 patients.
Will the people I love be able to avoid this infection? My parents who seem so strong and invincible; would they be okay if they got sick? They are also careful and staying home, but eventually they’ll go back to seeing me, my siblings, and the grandkids. And covid-19 is here to stay.
I worry about my friends who are losing their jobs and income. I worry about my husband’s job. What about my siblings’?
I worry about what will happen when the majority of the population aren’t being as careful anymore. How will things be this autumn, or next winter, or the winter after that? Will I feel safe enough to invite friends into my home? Even though I’m sure I will, I’ll also be aware of the risk, just as I’m aware of the risk the flu imposes every winter.
I hope they’ll identify why some people progress to get a very severe disease while others barely notice they’re sick. I hope they’ll figure out how long the antibody respons lasts before it wears off. I hope there will be some kind of treatment that will make the disease milder, or maybe even a vaccine, but I also know that it’s not easy to make vaccines, just look at other coronaviruses or RSV for example.
At the same time I also feel gratitude that I have so much to worry about. That there is so much that matters to me, so much at stake. This morning it stunned me a little how emotional I got when I was telling my husband about these worries, my voice started trembling and my eyes felt moist.
It moves me when I see how people want to help each other. They go shopping for each other, and my local food store very quickly set up a delivery service for the elderly. I’ve seen this huge outpour of love for my choir director and between members of the choir.
I am thankful that both my home clinic and cystic fibrosis team have taken the time to contact me during this stressful period; and that the CF organisation does a really solid job of informing our community, as well as giving us advice during weekly webinars with consultants specialising in adult and paediatric CF care. It’s touching to see one of the consultants look straight into the camera and ask us all to take care and be safe, and you can tell that he really means it and cares about our safety.
So, be safe. Be smart. Be kind.