Sicklyknitter » reflections Archives

2025 – another year that nearly broke me

Wednesday the 31st of December, 2025

(but didn’t quite) I haven’t written anything since last year (except in my diary). Not because nothing happened, quite the opposite actually, but the first eight first months feel oddly dim now, like they belong to a different year. See, somewhere around September the year split in two. We usually go skiing in Sälen over …

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The unravelling

Monday the 21st of October, 2024

It feels like a lifetime ago that I was pulling myself up the climbing walls – but it wasn’t, not really. Just last year, I was still at it. Though I was gasping like an asthmatic hamster, there was a buzz in knowing I could keep going, keep fighting through. It felt like a battle …

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Voilà, regardez-moi

Saturday the 27th of April, 2024

You might occasionally find me looking quite despondent, and it’s not just due to the typical dreary weather or the dismal state of the world. It’s the overwhelming effort each breath demands that tends to dampen my spirits, despite employing every strategy imaginable to manage daily life. Sleep rarely offers respite, feeling as taxing as …

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Echoes of loneliness

Tuesday the 28th of November, 2023

Earlier this autumn, I was fortunate enough to experience Luke Jerram’s Gaia. Beneath the glow of the globe, every breath was a testament to both actuality and resistance. In that moment, loneliness was not just a feeling, but a palpable presence, a silent companion as we hurtle through the cosmos. Gaia’s presence served as a …

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Catch me when I fall

Monday the 3rd of April, 2023

As a young adult, I had a small circle of friends with cystic fibrosis. But as we grew older they started to get really sick and die. Illness is a funny thing; I guess it either brings you together with other people in the same predicament, or it forces you to search with urgency for …

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A page too white and ink too thin

Wednesday the 16th of November, 2022

I shift through phases where I feel the need to describe my world, because living in an undescribed world is too lonely. I’ve spent so much time grappling with this disease, and naturally, it has shaped me. Yet, I can’t quite suss out how to integrate the complications of it into the world around me. …

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The danger of staying quiet

Tuesday the 27th of September, 2022

I was in my teens when I first became aware of the neo-Nazis in our town. They were terrifying with their bomber jackets, boots, and shaved heads as they marched along our main shopping street. Always in groups. I made sure never to make eye contact, staring at the ground as they walked past. My …

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On oublie notre histoire

Tuesday the 13th of September, 2022

September: the first autumn month and often the month of the Jewish New Year. Every four years, it’s also the month of three Swedish elections (general, regional, and municipal). Every election brings anguish and heartbreak for some. Resigning from my political engagements earlier this year has saved me from some of the agony. I haven’t …

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